This has to stop.
It’s been a few months since I have written to you all. I am not going to lie, there were many times where I wanted to close down my blog and forget it all together. My life has changed in more ways than I can imagine in the past year and with the new year still fresh, I felt I needed to make time for writing on here. A space I cherish very much. If I think back to myself a year ago, I was in a dark place and while I wish I could say I am standing in sun beams and butterflies a year later, I am not. But, I am not the same. The new year did not start out like many ‘imagine’ it to be. With the perfect resolutions and on the right foot, but rather it seems I got thrown into 2019 with a whole new set of challenges, a spinning head, and a heavy heart. I started the year with things I never imagined would happen, emotions I never thought I would feel. Sounds like an exciting way to start the year, doesn’t it?
I have to say, at times I feel so angry and upset that 2019 has to start with me feeling so vulnerable and shaken, but I keep telling myself that what goes down, must come up. I am not perfect. Some days I become so absorbed in my problems, I sulk all day in misery. But, other days, I conquer the day and know that with good vibes around me, I can get through just about anything. This year has started with a lot more tears and break downs than I would have ever thought, but I know things will clear up and I will feel like myself again soon.
While I do like to be open on my blog, there are still some parts of my life that I want to keep private. So, while I cannot talk about everything that has been making my head spin and heart sink, there are a couple things I can say.
As simple as it may seem, I have realized that many people like to ‘find’ their happiness in many things. I feel like many of us find that happiness in materials. Tangible things. We get caught in this viscous cycle of purchasing and showing off what we think is our happiness and who knows? Maybe that is what makes you thrive. But, I have realized for me that I value much different things and I do not hide behind a mask of ‘things’ or put my self out to the world like I am above everyone else. While I do love new things every once in a while, the most important things to me are the things you cannot touch: the air and trees around me and all of us, the rising and setting of the sun, feeling radiant in my skin, the genuine and unfiltered love of a friend, family member, or partner, that is what warms my heart and that is where my happiness resides. And if you do have a partner, make sure that their values line up with yours and you vibrate on the same wavelength. Make sure to ask yourself: what is important to you? What do you value in life? What makes you thrive? And if you are with someone, do they give off the same vibrations or are they somewhere else? Ask yourself.
Now, my little bit on politics and this world.
As of right now, the government has been shut down for 20 days. The longest shutdown in history. Being personally affected because my dad works for the government and he won’t be getting this month’s pay check because Trump wants that ridiculous wall no matter what and will not, under any circumstance like an adult, settle for anything else. Now, I will not sit here and say my family is the worst off because there are millions of federal workers who cannot pay insurance, rent, food, anything all because our ‘president’ is holding innocent federal workers hostage on his behalf. We have a president who slammed a table and stormed out a room because he didn’t get what he wanted, what? It angers me to the core and the more ugliness that spews from his mouth and from his fellow republican supporters and cabinet, the more ashamed I am to say that this is where I grew up and still call a home.
However, on a much broader scale, the whole world seems to be closing its’ walls and shutting the world out. More conservative views are spreading. People are becoming less open-minded. People are becoming afraid of each other. Everyone wants to shut off their country from the rest of the world or just make it impossible to come in or even, for anyone to get out. At first, I thought it was just the United States with its need to block out the world, but its happening all over the globe. Why are we becoming so afraid of each other? Why are we so full of judgement and hate for people we don’t even really know? Why do we forget that we are all living on the same planet and our only option is to get along, in SOME way? We are forgetting how to communicate with each other or maybe we never really learned how. This is was terrifies me. What terrifies me is that we are all turning away from each other and becoming selfish. While it is vital that we value ourselves and do what is best for us, we also have a duty as human beings sharing the same beautiful planet to help each other. We have our one beautiful planet that we have a duty to protect and take care of. This is all our home and all this anger and stupidity will only keep creating more harm and hate.
This is my message to anyone reading this. Be more compassionate. Do your part. Spread good vibes. Do not close up. Be open-minded, please. Open your heart. Think deeply about your opinions and do research. Make an impact regardless of size. We are all in this together. Radiate more positive vibes into the world, we need it more than ever.
Lots of love,