Reconnect.

The song 'The Wisp Sings' is trickling from my computer, our puppy Pax is lying next to me with his head over my leg, my bed feels like a cloud underneath me, the air feels still, my heart feels so full. I am here in this moment, entirely.

My phone is next to me, but there is no desire to scroll through my social media apps, why? I deleted them. For good? Of course not. I like social media, it has brought me many good things in my life. However, it has also brought a lot of negative energy in my life. As someone who compares her successes to other people's successes, social media can be a toxic platform for it. However, we all know this. This is nothing new. Yet, many of us still surround ourselves with it day in and day out. How many of you have gotten off Instagram or Facebook and felt bad about yourself or your life? I know I have on way too many occasions. During these moments, I swear to myself that I will spend less time on social media, but I never do. It is addictive and we are just all too familiar and addicted to mindless scrolling.

The first thing I do in the morning is grab my phone and scroll through Instagram. So, from the very start of the day I am jumping into the lives’ of all the people I follow. I am not in my OWN moment. My morning is filled with someone else’s snapshot of their life. From the very start of the day, I am already in the vortex of comparison. How is this good for me? For you? I don’t want to look back at my life and realize I spent most of it on my phone, I do not want lost moments. I think why it hit me so hard is because my life is split in two. One life on one side of the world and one on the other side. I love coming home to visit my family, but it is not something I get to do often since the distance is so great. I noticed myself, especially this time around, getting so caught up in my phone and mindlessly scrolling. After I published my poetry e-book, I had a huge emotional shift. After putting so much time and energy into my book, it is as if I crashed afterwards. After writing almost every day, my motivation dropped. Inspiration dropped. My heart sank. I felt empty. I felt like I had nothing to create anymore. I felt as though I had given everything I could and it was terrifying. I spent hours scrolling through Instagram and it only fed my negative energy. I looked at everyone else and they all seemed so much more successful than me. I felt hopeless. I felt like confused about my life. What was I doing anyway? Who cares about what I write? I will never amount to anything.

This all sounds so dramatic, but it is what I felt to my core. It was in this moment that I realized I needed to change something drastic. So, I said that’s it. I am deleting my social media apps so that I am not even tempted to click on it and ‘quickly scroll’. And you know, it has been about 3 days now and it feels so damn good. I won’t lie, during slow moments like in the car, I craved it. Just to pass the time, but most of the time it feels so good to not feel like I ‘need’ to check anything. I think most of us do not necessarily want to mindlessly scroll, but we just do out of habit. Without social media, it forces me to be creative and use my time better. I wanted to gain my motivation back, gain my inspiration, and bring my positive energy back about my writing and creativity. I wanted to feel good about myself again and my future, my path and NOT someone else’s. I think a lot of us forget that social media just shows a ‘snapshot’ of someone’s life, not the whole picture. Sure, you can see a picture of someone’s book that just got published, but maybe outside the photo you do not know that maybe that person has severe relationship issues with a loved one. Or you could see a picture of someone with a successful business, but outside the photo they cry each night because they still do not feel good enough. We do not know just from a photo. Yet, we see the photo and get so mesmerized. We need to break this idea because it is ruining how we see ourselves and our lives. I do not think we need to stop using social media, no. Not at all. We need to be cautious in how we use it and when we use it. I plan on doing this sort of ‘detox’ a lot with my social media apps. As someone who is trying to grow her brand, I use social media to spread my content. I plan to use my time better and use it for sharing my content and other fun things, but occasionally, deleting the apps again to remind myself that life is right in front of me. That life will go right by if I keep staring at my screen. I will miss a breathless sunset, a precious moment, a good laugh, anything. I do not want to miss it.

This has taught me that I will not die without social media, the ‘boredom’ forces me to be creative which I love. I feel genuinely in the moment. I do not feel distracted. I do not feel as frantic. I am not worried about the hundreds of followers and what their life is like, I am living mine. I am not hopping into someone else’s morning while I start mine. I stretch my arms, look out my window, and slowly let gentle thoughts fill me. I feel the bed around me, the softness and stillness of the air, something I do not notice as fully when I lay there with my phone in my face. I do not want someone else’s morning; I want my own. Don’t you?

I challenge anyone reading this to do this with me. Take a break, please. I do not want you to miss moments in your life, I want you to experience them fully. I do not want you to compare your life to someone else’s and feel bad about yourself. You are doing an incredible job and are on your own path. Celebrate the successes, even the ‘little’ ones. This life is yours. Savour it. 

Seize it and let it vibrate through you. 

Reconnect with yourself, the people around you, and the world you walk upon. 

Things I found/rediscovered during my reconnect:

 

-  I lost my consistent meditation practice completely and was really frustrated that I did because it helps me so much, I found the app ‘Smiling Mind’ and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who has a meditation practice or to anyone who wants to start. It is completely free, too.

-  The website Tiny Buddha is one I have know about for a long time, but hadn’t read it a while. It is full of inspirational stories and good vibes. Ones I really connected with was this one

-  I started reading this book before my break, but it was incredible and helped me see the hidden beauty in life through an incredible story. It’s called ‘The Alchemist’ and it was such a warming story. This author is incredible.

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